My Journey

Before I begin this Journey along with you, I thought I'd begin by telling you a bit about myself. This way we will get to know one another on a more personal level where we can connect heart to heart.

Up until almost 15 years ago, it is difficult for me to remember a time in my life when I wasn't afraid. Although living with an abusive alcoholic father certainly attributed to my fears, the anxiety still continued after his death when I was 9 years old. I feel the reason for this is that I became so accustomed to feeling afraid all of the time that it just felt "normal" to me........I didn't know any other way. So I just accepted the fact that this was "just the way I am." How many times do you say that statement, or have heard someone else say that? "It's just the way I am."

Although when I was young I did experience mild panic attacks, I never knew what was going on until I was much older. It was just an everyday way of life for me.

By the age of twenty, I'm now forty-five, I began having "mega" panic attacks. As these attacks continued, I began avoiding everyday "normal" situations that most people wouldn't even think about doing. I was afraid to drive, go shopping, attend church, or even visit friends. The "ah ha" moment for me was the day that I found it impossible to even walk down to my mailbox. I realized then and there that I REALLY needed to get some help. This avoidance behaviour resulted in my becoming agoraphobic, as I absolutely became "afraid of my own shadow."

Agoraphobia was once thought to be a "fear of open spaces," but "they" have now come to the conclusion that it is brought on by panic attacks......DUH!!!

After visiting many psychiatrists, physicians, and the emergency room, (many times) I became very frustrated. You would not believe how many years it took them to figure out what was wrong with me, or maybe you would. Once medical "experts" discovered that I had this emotional disorder (NOT MENTAL.....LOL) their only solution for me was to take medication. For those of you who know me well, you would probably say that I'm somewhat of a health "freak." I do not believe in drugs unless absolutely neccessary. I have always felt in my heart that there had to be a better solution than drugs and as I later realized, there absolutely was and is.

It was through my extensive research that I came across a resolution to this "life draining" emotional disorder. I had studied many books on the subject of panic/anxiety disorder, as well as newspaper articles, "at home"anxiety programs and even meditation. It was through all of this information and the loving support of my husband Steve that I was finally able to get my life back on track.

I am very happy and proud to say that I have not had a panic attack within the past almost 15 years. It took a great deal of strength and dedication to get to where I am today, but all I can tell you is that it was sooooooooooo worth it. And as weird as this may sound, I am actually thankful that I had to go through this hellish experience, as I am now a strong woman, an awesome mother and a loving wife. I can truly say "I am happy."

So come onboard, what do you have to lose, you've already lost yourself!!!